I can't write for goodness sake. and it's so sad that I'm jealous of their capabilities.

Strange thou, I'm always one of the closest friends of the popular one in school. what can i say, kinda sick of it. When I first met her, I thought she wasn't a local. She was late for class for almost a week. She was attractive and absolutely obvious. I secretly thought that she won't be nice to get along with. She was quiet and when she talked, she sounded quite posh. She had this weird accent, definitely didn't sound like an ordinary singaporean. And I can't remember how we first started on a conversation. Perhaps cause she was added into my discussion group. I felt so little by then. I remembered she told me, 'hey you're really nice to get along with, you're so friendly..' and she wasn't surprised when I told her I'm a libra. She said, libras are usually very sociable. I doubt it, I don't mingle well. I don't usually keen to talk, or otherwise with familiar ones. I think I've changed a little more friendlier or had the surroundings changed me? I can't write, and in fact, I'm one of the worst writers when it comes to essay writing, school-related kind of work. Essay topics like, 'Compare the pros and cons of cigarette smoking.' haunts me all the time, even for the one word topic. I hate essays. I, whom brain is filled with enormous ideas, somehow couldn't think of any of them when it comes to essay writing. Drop it okay.

U know, by now, my hands are freezing. It's so cold, every tiny thing within my body shivers. Okay I'm bragging. :P But especially my fingers are really cold and I swear my heart trembles a little (as usual, I even suspect if I have heart disease, or just my imaginations), my bones are cold and makes me think of a lot of world issues. I think a lot, especially when I'm on a moving vehicle or motionless. And I imagine so much I hope I can control what my brain is thinking. Images just flash non stop in my brain. I fear for my own imaginations. Thats how silly I live. And I cry for how the past couldn't be changed and some people regret for what silly actions they've done. Somethings, is just unchangeable no matter how hard you've tried and wished to. My heart shivers every time I think of my regrets, so does the uncontrollable sadness. If only......

I miss you so much. I've never missed someone so bad before. It feels so bad. I'm not gay, it's just someone so important in my life. And, its like there's no one to replace you. And it hurts so bad thinking it'll never ever be the same again. Someone please tell me its not true. :'( Good and bad memories trigger so badly. How I wish I can stop them.

Поэтому, я не доверяю никому.

xxx